SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
