His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
