I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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