i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
