dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
