I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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