just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
