I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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