my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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