I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
