so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
