He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
