So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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