this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
