A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
