; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Please, let me fuck your mom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
