May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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