Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hippo gnu deer
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
