That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
