So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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