Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
