i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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