I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
