i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
