probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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