No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
