im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
