nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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