When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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