I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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