do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want her autograph on my taint
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
