I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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