She's JV to your varsity
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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