I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
