I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
