After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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