discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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