Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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