So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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