I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
