Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
