her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
