She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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