I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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