she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
