Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
