So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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