Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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