I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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