I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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