I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
