I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
