You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
