Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
