I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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