moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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