I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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